she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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