whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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