every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
