Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
