1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you never un-have a 4some
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
