And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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