mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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