i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
