I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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