I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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