and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
