I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
