Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
