whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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