i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
