remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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