Soap is not a condiment
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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