Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
