I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
babies were throwing up all over the place
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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