His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
