I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize