At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
