She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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