Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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