ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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