nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i love accidental penises.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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