oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have already put on my inside pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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