Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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