Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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