Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
