you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
