apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
