Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
