He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
