dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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