I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
