3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize