I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
