my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
