apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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