The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
