She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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