Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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