the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
