ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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