Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck