Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man