I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me