If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is