you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize