i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
