I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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