i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
