Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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