Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
