make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
