This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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