The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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