First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
