either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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