if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
