The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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