Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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