i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
