all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
