You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish my penis had a tongue
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
