My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
